Abdicating Reality

I showed up at his door and his face was downcast. My excitement and exhaustion overtook me and I wondered if it would all be for naught, this weekend that I had so looked forward to.

We drove up in affectionate tension, both tired, both happy for each others company.

We arrived, did the necessary palaver, snuck into the room that would be our hideaway for two days and didn't quite know what to do with each other. We did what we thought we should, what was expected by some none entity that wasn't present and eventually fell into a restless sleep. The week heavy on our minds, both distracted.

Breakfast was easier, more relaxed. But then. Then we disappeared back to our hideaway and wrapped in each others arms we finally relaxed. Eventually our minds eased and we snuck out, unobserved, to begin our adventure.

As we wound our way into the snow capped mountains and dry heather hills our thoughts flowed ceaselessly to one another. In the quiet of the hidden used bookstore our whispered excitement over our shared love of reading fed our enjoyment of the time together and each other. Each wee shop in the seaside village yielded treasures, excitement and smiles.

Past the mountains the sea inlet was still as glass and the silence about the place had an apocalyptic feel about it, like we were the only ones that existed in that moment. Fishing and photographing in silence, we were content.

Returning that evening brought about again, a forced act of dining that was expected. Dress up, sit straight, proper manners, behave. We refused. Rebelled. Whispered jokes and chuckled at the inappropriate. Escaping at first opportunity. And alone, we enjoyed each other. Laughing and playfighting. Joking and flirting. Finally passing out happily beside each other where we'd collapsed in an exhausted pile of pleasure.

The dawn crept in and being awakened by strong arms around me felt like a wish ached for come true. Whispering together we found what had slipped away and a new understanding grew between us. Kissing softly, his tongue sending jolts of electricity along my body, I pulled away smiling at him as he leaned his forehead against mine.

I regret my wounds because they cause distrust. And I am grateful for a love that has the patience to hold out for me til the wounds heal and the trust returns.

I love him. More now then before. Deeper.

Anonymous Beginnings

I had a blog. I shared it. I let who I was becoming show through and the flak I received for being myself hurt, frustrated and enraged me. I refuse to live inside a box, or cater to the status quo any longer. Since I adore blogging and presenting life in the unique way I see it, I decided going anonymous was probably a better option then stopping altogether at this stage.

I am agnostic. I was a born again Christian for 10 years. I spent a year researching my faith and came up empty. I now claim no knowledge of anything in the definitive. I have instincts and I am following them, trusting where I lead myself.

I am a single mother. I am an artist. I am an expat living in a foreign land. I love science. I am a misanthrope by default due to the continuous frustration at the very fact that questioning and following my own path brings out such hideous reactions from those around me. I am mesmerized and passionate about sustainable living. I seek the truth about our world and universe no matter what it ends up being.

And right now, I need to blog. I welcome company and challenges, encouragement, opinions and new leads to follow.

~Ari